My mom passed away at age 94.

My mom was a daughter of the fourth and the last generation of the salt merchant from her family. She was the last one to die of five siblings. It looked like the first generation that settled in Sichuan set the bar high for reaching the age of 93 - she had 10 kids and died in 1807 at her own family-owned "Old Oil House" while still working. My mom was diagonosed with dementia at 87. She thought I was her officemate and I played that role when I talked to her. My parents took me out of a family daycare to live with my grandparents when I was a year old, moved to my oldest uncle’s home when I was 5, back to live with my mom when I was about 10 since she was working full time and caring for my brother and sister all by herself. My dad was working in a different city. She needed help from me and I had been spoiled by my grandparents so I didn’t want to stay with her, and I had suddenly become the oldest child and I didn’t want all that new responsibility to watch my younger siblings. My mom joined my dad in Chengdu where I was born in 70s, my grandma came to live with us since my parents’ oil company offered better coverage for her. She died a month before I took National entry exam. I was so devastated that I had an argument with my mom and all her siblings as if I was the only daughter thinking that they did not do enough for my grandma so she died. I finally understood my mom when I became a mom and we became friends. My mom would not have made it to 94 without modern medical equipment.

my mom's oldest brother died a month short of 94. He was the second oldest, counting the first born who died although no one knew why except I learned that my grandpa was addicted to opium. It was a family secret no one wanted to talk about. Her father failed at his own salt business, salt equipment business, and the rice business from his wife's family side. His father's oldest brother took up the family responsilities to care for my grandfather's family. He provided housing, food, and 5 children's education. Her oldest brother gave up college after high school so he could work and help his younger sisters and brother go to college. My mom was the oldest girl and she was standing behind her father with shorts and boots, compared to her mom who had been subject to the old traditional foot binding and had not been allowed to go to school.

My mom met my father in Northwest University, both geology majors. My dad followed my mom back to Sichuan after college where they worked for a state-owned oil company for all of their work life. My mom retired at age 55 and my dad at age 60 as per normal retirement age in China. He was rehired for a few years for consulting before they could travel around the country and to the USA to see their grandchildren. They had a great time with us. My dad passed away in March 2000 at age 87. My mom had early stage dementia at the time. My dad's wish was to keep his personal aide for my mom, although my mom tried hard to kick her out but failed. The pandemic lockdown made us keep the aide too. Very soon my mom forgot that she used to hate her, and became fond of her. The two of them had some good years together while my brother worked. The aide was from the northern border between my dad's Shaanxi (陕西)and my mom's Sichuan(四川)provinces, a place called a door with sword passing（剑门关), a very important historical post to protect the region from northern invaders. Her family name is god (神), which was probably why my dad insisted to keep her. She has 4 children including an adopted son, who is a hotel manager in our city, with a family clan over 20. My mom was like a happy kid for many years, and loved sweets. My brother never married and has no kids, so he treated my mom like a child. To make sure my mom opened her mouth when it was time to eat, he would give my mom a piece of cake then a spoonfull of real food. She slowly lost the ability to recognize us, she mistook me as one of her coworkers in the office. I would pretend in that position and called her name for bonus cash, and her eyes would open wide. My oldest uncle's wife always got her full attention too. My mom's lifelong rival, she was such a good wife, mother, a great cook, and was able to make clothes for her three kids. By train, I used to take my brother and sisters, two of my cousins to her home every summer. My aunt worked full time too, shopping and cooking for her family of five, my grandma, and five of us daily for the summer 3 months. Something I could not imagine doing until I became a mom with three boys. My aunt is 96 this year. She still has a clear mind, and loves to play Majong. She walks at least an hour each day, also walks around inside with a walker. She said she is taking one day at time.

My sister went back to visit every year, and I have been back recently each year for the Chinese New Year. Her aide could go home as well since she has a big family. We went back this February, my mom was on the waiting list to go to the hospital since she needed to have deep suction for the mucus buildup, and IV antibiotics. The bed was availabe a few days before we left, the aide's friend in the hospital passed on the news. The aide told my brother and he confirmed with the doctor. My brother was happy to reward the aide's friend for the insider info but she refused. The aide is getting double-pay while staying in the hospital with mom. My sister and I preferred my mom to stay home, and take oral antibiotics instead since there are more germs in the hospital. Yes, she got sicker due to more infections. My brother said my mom might not be able to go home this time. My sister flew back, she tried to stop my brother sending my mom to ICU with ventilator but failed, so she was upset and changed her ticket and flew back to U.S. My mom was out of ICU and ventilator after 3 weeks for a short time, but then she was back on it again after a tracheotomy with a stoma but not in ICU, just in her regular hospital room with 2 other patients. My sister flew back again two weeks ago, 3rd time this year, she was trying to transfer my mom to a smaller hosptial with a private room to allow chanting but failed. The hospital moved one patient to a different room and the other patient went home instead. My mom has a private room with my mom's aide. My sister called her Buddhist groups in when she felt my mom's oxygen level dropped, and they stood around my mom's bed, chanting for my mom so she could go to heaven. But twice, next to her bed, her oxygen level shot up over 95%. She wanted to stay. Last time my sister called me early and I missed her since I was on the way home from work, when I called her back she did not pick up. So I called my brother, when I was having video chat with my brother in the hospital hallway, one of the chanting leader came over, she was telling my brother to take off my mom’s oxygen and tube feeding, and let my mom go! He was not happy and said wait until her doctor visits. This next morning, my brother said my mom was gone and he stopped oxygen slowly last night, and let her go. My sister has been in the hospital for 5 days 24/7 and she called him into the hospital 2-3 times a day, sometimes in the middle of the night. They were exhausted. He gave her up and let her go. My brother was very sad and he said after he turned off the oxygen, my mom’s breathing slowed down, her heart slowly stopped beating but restarted two more times on her own. She was worried about my brother. My sister took my mom to a private place for a wake, my brother dropped her off and carpooled others there, he said he chanted for 2 hours and went back home. My sister and others would continue chanting for her for the next 40 hours. Most of them are retired volunteers who came from 3 groups of Buddhism and Taoism. I became a Catholic and we have been praying for my mom in the church. My husband visited St Anthony's Shrine yesterday and lit votive candles and prayed for her peaceful passing to Heaven.

My company gave me a potted pink foxglove plant and a signed sympathy card, just as they did back in 2000 when my dad passed away. I have been working for the company for 25 years, the longest job I ever had. I was trained in enviromental biology and supposed to protect the environment, yet my brother and I both ended up working for transportation companies, using the oil my parents worked on all their working lives.