I was very confident that he would come to me if I let him. So I invited him to the garden nearby our parents’ apartment where we talked about our college lives and everything we could think about. The second time, he came and told me he found out this neat place near my home that he wanted to show me. I was a little surprised since I never wandered outside of my parent’s oil complex. We went to the agricultural field outside of my parents’ oil company where I had never been. I was a little scared because I could see the wall far away where my home was. I had never been out this late in the dark with anyone. There he asked me in English, “May I kiss you?” I had my first kiss from a boy. Then I asked him to stop smoking because I could never imagine myself marrying someone who smoked. He said yes, he would give it up. But I did catch him a few times smoking alone somewhere.
Later on he started to miss our dates which made me wonder whether I pushed him too hard to give up smoking. Then he told me that he had a girlfriend in his hometown about 30 miles from our institute. They have been preparing to get married. I was humiliated and upset. He explained that he grew up with her since their parents were good friends. Life with me would be much happier but he was afraid to upset his parents, his girlfriend, her parents. That would surely put him in the immoral category and affect his future. His dream to go abroad would all wash down the drain. I knew what that meant since we had a few from the 1977 class who were sent to remote places as punishment. I blamed him that he should have told me first and shouldn’t have kissed me when he knew he was kissing someone else. And it was unfair to his girlfriend and me not knowing that his feet were “standing in two boats at once.”
Then few days later, another boy came to my institute to see me. He told me that his unhappy marriage ended in divorce. I told him that I was sorry to hear that. Then he said that he had that quick marriage because of my rejection. He thought she might help him forget about me. He was wrong, now he came back for me. I told him that I was very sorry that I might have been the reason for his failed marriage. My heart went out to the poor innocent girl who I didn’t know, but that still didn’t change anything between us. We were just friends now and in the future. I told him that he should be strong and shouldn’t get into any relationship if he was not ready. He knew how much that could hurt others.
Most people in my institute thought that my standards for a boyfriend were too high and I was too proud of myself. I knew that sometimes they were talking about me. I just simply passed them by and held my head high. I never paid any attention to girl gossip.